Today I felt like chatting a little since I haven’t chatted with you all in a while. Recently have been reflecting on life this last year and just how much progress I have made mentally and physically; I am just amazed. This time last year I was not in good place in my life and I was really down, I was so overwhelmed with everything.
It’s my little sister and I living home with our parents and after my father had his stroke, I became the go to person for everything. My parents’ English is limited so I had to file all the paper works for insurance, call for prescriptions, go to doctors appointments; you name it I was doing it. Not to say my little sister did not help, but being the oldest it was responsibility to take care of things. I was still finishing my last undergrad year, so I also had to focus on school, I was doing an internship and working at the same time.
I thought I was a super hero and that I had the ability to do it all, so I never took the time to breathe and take a break. I stopped breathing, I stopped living, I was just a prisoner in my own body. Even when my body felt tired, I was still making sure everyone was OK. After I graduated, They became even more dependent on me and I just took the load. My father was paralyzed, my mom got diagnosed with diabetes months after, so it was my responsibility to make sure everything was taken care of. Mind you this whole time I am battling anxiety and panic attacks on a daily. I was still having nightmares and not sleeping; I was just so tired.
I never forgot one day I was listening to the radio going home from work and the song Breathe came on. The lyrics said
Let your weary spirit rest.
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best.
Chaos calls but all you really need Is to just breathe.
I literally started crying in the car like a baby, because I realized I had stopped breathing. If I stopped breathing, it meant I stopped living. I looked at other people my age and they were all living the life God had blessed them with. Everyone was enjoying life and I had stopped breathing.
I know it gets hard sometimes and life gets overwhelming, and everything seems to be chaotic. Just remember to take a break and just breathe. This life God had given you is a blessing, and it would be a shame if you were not living it fully. Take a step back and just breathe!!!