Stop Caring So Much

I think I have spent most of my life caring way too much about others than I did caring for myself. Now at 25 I find myself questioning a lot of decisions I had made for people instead of for Jemima. As Christians, we are taught to love our neighbors like we love ourselves; unfortunately for me I overlooked the “like yourself” part. I always wanted to play superwoman with my family and my friends; I would go out of my way to please everyone except me.

Since graduating college, I opened a different email account for jobs and graduate school purposes. A couple of weeks ago I curiously checked my old yahoo account and stumbled upon a list I had created about 4 years ago. It was a list of the things I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 25. I looked at the list and realized that not one of those things I have actually done. One of the biggest thing on there was going on a trip to Cali, I had created a whole folder for the trip. It really saddened me because I did not accomplish not one single thing on that list; yet I had made time to help my friends celebrate and accomplish some of their wishes.

Here I am at 25 starring at this list and I started getting angry, angry at myself for not putting me first all these years. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret ever celebrating my friends, but I wish that I had also dedicated time for myself and my plans. I was always saving for someone’s events, saving for this and that; when it came to my birthdays I remember being always broke and not being able to do the things I wanted.

Now I am learning to balance it all out. I am learning to love me first and then love my friends. I am learning to stop caring so much because truthfully people don’t care as much. I lost friends over simple things, like not being able to attend birthdays, disagreeing on certain life choices. It’s so interesting that people will drop you in a heartbeat and forget a lot of the sacrifices you have made for them. 2015 was a year of tests and trials for me in my personal relationships, and it has taught me to really love myself more.

So if you ever feel a little selfish for caring about yourself, its OK don’t feel bad. Choose you first before you choose anyone else.

 

XOXO

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3 thoughts on “Stop Caring So Much

  1. I totally needed this! Cos I could relate to every word of what you have written.. Growing up in a family and church that taught us that being selfish isn’t Godly nature.. I have always ended up being self sacrificing and doing too much for people who wouldn’t even cross puddles for me..Giving way too much more than you receive only drains you out internally, Having nothing more to offer or give when ur completely empty…I mean, it’s not that I expect favours in return but love, care and genuine presence of others when you needed them.. At the age of 26 I did have very similar thoughts as you have .. That I have never lived my life for myself , rather lived at each phase for people who aren’t even in my life anymore.. People who were highly self centered and at the end of it I felt used or easily walked over..That was when I started to look internally and began to realise how important it is to love yourself first! I would even feel guilty for standing up for me or prioritising myself over others and considered it to be a sin of not being able to be like Christ to people who aren’t as nice to us.. I don’t really know it might be a constant battle..But these days I do feel a conviction of the verse which says “Love others as you love yourself ” So to begin with, We do have to have some self love , set boundaries and do what’s best for you to protect yourself..Without having to feel guilty about it !

    http://www.cynthiarobinsonblog.wordpress.com

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