I think I have spent most of my life caring way too much about others than I did caring for myself. Now at 25 I find myself questioning a lot of decisions I had made for people instead of for Jemima. As Christians, we are taught to love our neighbors like we love ourselves; unfortunately for me I overlooked the “like yourself” part. I always wanted to play superwoman with my family and my friends; I would go out of my way to please everyone except me.
Since graduating college, I opened a different email account for jobs and graduate school purposes. A couple of weeks ago I curiously checked my old yahoo account and stumbled upon a list I had created about 4 years ago. It was a list of the things I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 25. I looked at the list and realized that not one of those things I have actually done. One of the biggest thing on there was going on a trip to Cali, I had created a whole folder for the trip. It really saddened me because I did not accomplish not one single thing on that list; yet I had made time to help my friends celebrate and accomplish some of their wishes.
Here I am at 25 starring at this list and I started getting angry, angry at myself for not putting me first all these years. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret ever celebrating my friends, but I wish that I had also dedicated time for myself and my plans. I was always saving for someone’s events, saving for this and that; when it came to my birthdays I remember being always broke and not being able to do the things I wanted.
Now I am learning to balance it all out. I am learning to love me first and then love my friends. I am learning to stop caring so much because truthfully people don’t care as much. I lost friends over simple things, like not being able to attend birthdays, disagreeing on certain life choices. It’s so interesting that people will drop you in a heartbeat and forget a lot of the sacrifices you have made for them. 2015 was a year of tests and trials for me in my personal relationships, and it has taught me to really love myself more.
So if you ever feel a little selfish for caring about yourself, its OK don’t feel bad. Choose you first before you choose anyone else.
I am so excited to share with you all some pictures from my vacation to the Bahamas a couple of weeks ago. If you have been reading some of my posts you will know that I have been struggling with an anxiety and stress disorder, so flying was so terrifying for me. I mean whenever I thought about getting on a plane to go somewhere, the worst came to mind; So for me to have actually gone through with this vacation was a huge milestone in my recovery process. My sister Graduated college and all she wanted was a vacation, so I had to put my fears aside and get on that plane. I did have a couple of nightmares weeks prior to the trips, and the week before leaving I had serious panic attacks; but I did not let that stop me.
We stayed at the Breezes Resorts in Nassau, Bahamas. It was such an amazing experience for me. This was my first time leaving the country since I left Haiti in 2003; so I was super excited about that. Being that I am from the Caribbean, I was excited to see blue water again. I don’t know if it’s only me but the water in the U.S is not as clear and beautiful like the one who see in the Caribbean. The resort was beautiful, I mean waking up everyday to the sound of the ocean and the birds singing in the trees was really magical.
The island itself is beautiful. Being that I have been in New Jersey for the past 13 years, I was so excited to see coconut trees, mango trees and much more. I felt like I was back home for a bit. But if you want to really experience that real Island life, get yourself a car and start driving around. One thing we learned was that staying at the resort is not experiencing the island life. Where the resorts are Located in Nassau is very Americanized, so it was really excited to drive around and see what the island is really like.
The best thing about the vacation was the unlimited food and drink at the resort. If you’re ever going to the Bahamas and cannot afford the Atlantis, go to the Breezes Resort. When they say its super inclusive, they really mean it. They feed you so well and the drinks are so good. I probably gained over 5 lbs from the 6 days I spent there. The staff and the people are so welcoming that you really do not want to leave. On our last night we had dinner at one of their restaurant and the food was to die for. They also have land and water activities included, so I was living the dream.
Traveling with the best people in the world also made everything so much more fun. I am definitely planning more vacations now that I am less anxious and scared. God has blessed me so much in the last few months health wise. I am so much happier and healthier and I am going to enjoy life. I was so scared and imprisoned in my own mind that I was missing out on so much. I am so glad I serve a God of healing. Hope you enjoy some of the pictures I took. Sorry for the poor quality, they were taken on a phone. Hopefully this encourage you guys to step outside of your comfort zone and go somewhere this summer.
Hey loves!!! Just wanted to come and share with you all some of the products I have been loving these days.
- The first product I wanna talk about is the Plain Jane beauty cream mineral Foundation. As mentioned in previous posts, I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I am trying to take care of my body, my mind and also my skin. Although I don’t wear makeup on a daily, I still wanted to start using products that contained healthier ingredients for my skin. After doing a lot of research I stumbled upon this cosmetic company. They are an organic makeup company hat carries organic skin care and makeup products. I was able to purchase sample sizes of the foundation before getting the full size. This stuff is AMAZING!!!! It feels like you are wearing absolutely nothing on your face. It is so creamy and goes on so smooth. it is long lasting and gives you a natural finish. I love that fact that you’re able to get samples before actually ordering the full size bottle (retails for $36). I f you are looking for an organic foundation brand, this is for you.
- The other product I have been loving lately is the balm Cosmetics Meet matt(e) Trimony Palette. I have been dying to get my hands on this palette but was not trying to spend $42 on it. About a month ago The Balm had a flash sale 50% and I had to grab this palette. Ever since I got this palette I have been gravitating towards it more than my other palettes. I recently I went on vacation and this was my go to palette. The pigmentation on this is amazing. These colors go on like butter and blend beautifully. I am so glad I caught that sale.
- The next item is another one from the Balm cosmetics. It is the Mary-Lou Manizer highlighter. I own a lot of other highlighters but I think for right now this one is my absolute favorite. It compliments my chocolate skin so well. Being a woman of color a lot of highlighter look ashy on me, but this one just sits so right on my face. It gives me that perfect glow and I love it. I wish I had a camera that could show just how popping this highlighter is. I also got it during the flash sale for about $12 but it retails for $24.
- I am a lipstick whore. I own so many lipstick its crazy. I am not a makeup artist nor do I have skills about makeup BUT I love myself some lipsticks. I also love a good bargain and colourpop does it for me with their price. you really cannot beat $6 for lipsticks. I have most of the colors in their matte liquid lipsticks and their satin finish lipsticks, so I was excited to try their matte X lippies that just came out. If you have not tried these products you need to get on your computers and other some of these lippies. They go on so smooth you would not believe they were matte lipsticks. And when they say long lasting, they are not lying. These things will stay on your lips all day without rubbing off. I am so in love with these they are now my go to for summer.