For years I feel like I’ve been living a lie. I was the girl who always wanted people to like her, always wanted to be friends with everyone. Although I had all these friends, deep inside I was not happy with myself. It’s one thing to have people like you, but it’s another thing to like yourself. for years I struggled with accepting myself and who I was as a person. I think me moving to this country had a lot to do with it because I used to be teased so much for being different. As I grew older, I always tried to be “normal” so that I could be accepted. Interestingly enough I never tried to fit into the popular crowd because I knew I didn’t belong there; but I would wish that I looked like the popular girls. I wished my breasts were bigger, that I didn’t speak with an accent and that boys looked at me; I always thought that I wasn’t pretty enough.
Here I am at 25 and I’m just realizing how awesome it is to be ME. i think I simply got tired of trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be. I got tired of trying to be someone else. I went off to college and saw how many different types of people were out there and how happy they were with themselves; it really helped me to open my eyes and realized that it was alright to be just me. Do you know how tiring it gets tying to be someone different? I used to think that I had to be Instagram and Facebook “popping” in order to be awesome. That I needed a boyfriend to be happy, that I needed lots of friends to be happy. I spent so much time trying to be so “normal” that I missed out on years of just being Jemima.
I am loving me right now. These past few months I have reconnected with God and with myself. God has really help me to embrace me, and my purpose in this world. I am different and that’s alright. I am a big kid at heart, I am a makeup junkie, I love to eat, I love to cook. I cannot dance to save my life, I am terrified of animals, I talk a lot, I am an over-thinker, I am a control freak. I am so much more and I love it. i don’t wanna spend my life living in anyone’s shadow, I don’t want my light to be dim while everyone else is shinning. you’ve ever seen people living in other people’s shadows? I didn’t want that to be me.
At the end of the day it does not matter if people like you and if they don’t like you. when your makeup and clothes are off and you look in the mirror if you like what you see; then that’s what matters.