For years I feel like I’ve been living a lie. I was the girl who always wanted people to like her, always wanted to be friends with everyone. Although I had all these friends, deep inside I was not happy with myself. It’s one thing to have people like you, but it’s another thing to like yourself. for years I struggled with accepting myself and who I was as a person. I think me moving to this country had a lot to do with it because I used to be teased so much for being different. As I grew older, I always tried to be “normal” so that I could be accepted. Interestingly enough I never tried to fit into the popular crowd because I knew I didn’t belong there; but I would wish that I looked like the popular girls. I wished my breasts were bigger, that I didn’t speak with an accent and that boys looked at me; I always thought that I wasn’t pretty enough.
Here I am at 25 and I’m just realizing how awesome it is to be ME. i think I simply got tired of trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be. I got tired of trying to be someone else. I went off to college and saw how many different types of people were out there and how happy they were with themselves; it really helped me to open my eyes and realized that it was alright to be just me. Do you know how tiring it gets tying to be someone different? I used to think that I had to be Instagram and Facebook “popping” in order to be awesome. That I needed a boyfriend to be happy, that I needed lots of friends to be happy. I spent so much time trying to be so “normal” that I missed out on years of just being Jemima.
I am loving me right now. These past few months I have reconnected with God and with myself. God has really help me to embrace me, and my purpose in this world. I am different and that’s alright. I am a big kid at heart, I am a makeup junkie, I love to eat, I love to cook. I cannot dance to save my life, I am terrified of animals, I talk a lot, I am an over-thinker, I am a control freak. I am so much more and I love it. i don’t wanna spend my life living in anyone’s shadow, I don’t want my light to be dim while everyone else is shinning. you’ve ever seen people living in other people’s shadows? I didn’t want that to be me.
At the end of the day it does not matter if people like you and if they don’t like you. when your makeup and clothes are off and you look in the mirror if you like what you see; then that’s what matters.
O.R.G skincare facial Peel
With trying to live a much healthier lifestyle, I’ve also decided to take care of my skin. I don’t wear makeup everyday, but I also don’t really take good care of my skin. I saw one of my favorite beauty bloggers mention this on snapchat and decided to give it a try. I must say This product is amazing. This facial peel is very pricey, it is $44, but it’s so worth it.
I never knew how much dead skin I had until I tried this product. The first time I used I was amazed at how much stuff was peeling off my face. I Just sprayed it a couple of times on the face then with my hand just massage it into the skin, and gradually I saw dead skin just falling off. I have now been using it for the past month and my skin is radiant. It feels so much healthier, it’s smoother and just feels refreshed.
The product is expensive but I believe its an investment for you. Taking care of the skin is also a step in being a healthier version of you. I strongly recommend this product. if youre interested you can find it here.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
Yesterday I completed my first semester of Grad school and it felt pretty good. When I got home last night after class, I was thinking about just how good God has been to me these past few months. I graduated College in 2014 and I really wanted to go to grad school right after but financially I couldn’t afford to go. I was really beating myself for not being able to go to grad school, especially because it took me almost a year to find a job after I graduated. But you know last night it really occurred to me that God’s timing is always the best.
Around the time I graduated college was when my anxiety issues were the worst. Mentally I was not in a good place at all. It was around the time I was having the really bad nightmares, especially the summer following my graduation. I also started getting physically sick often because sometimes when you are mentally sick, your body is affected as well. I would be sick for weeks at a time, have never-ending colds, stomach viruses; you name it I had it. It was to the point where I thought I had a serious diseases, I was self diagnosing myself all the time and was always too scared to go see a doctor. Also having to deal with the facts that I was unemployed, broke and just depressed.
Once I turned 25 I really started feeling low because I felt like I was so behind in everything. People were getting married, getting great jobs, buying new cars; and I was still stuck. I had gotten a job that I absolutely hated, but stayed because I needed the money. People were telling me go to back to school that I should have gone straight after graduation; and it really took a toll on me
So last night I was really reflecting on my semester and where I am now; I came to the conclusion that I really need to start trusting God more. Honestly this is the best that I’ve felt mentally in years. I got a new job that I love and I am managing my anxiety. I realized that if I had gone back to school right after graduation, I probably would have either failed or have a mental break down. you really need to be in the right space to work full-time and go to school full time. Back then I could not even go through a week without getting sick, how was I going to deal with school? I got accepted into Grad school at the right time, at the time God intended and it was the perfect time. I am so blessed to be able to complete a semester and say not once did I freak out, not once did I get sick, not once did my mind go crazy. I completed all of my assignments, I passed all of my exams, and I found so much passion in what I was learning.
Sometimes it’s hard as people and as christians to trust God’s timing because we want to be able to have control over how things go in our lives. But trust me as Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, there is a timing for everything. Just trust that God has your best interest at heart and will always come through at the perfet time.
Couple of months ago I was watching a YouTube video about this website called influenster. I was super curious as to what it was about so I went on. Basically its a website where you review products, answer people’s questions about certain products and get a chance to win amazing products each month. About 3 months ago I received my first voxbox which contained pretty amazing goodies from suave, Epson salt, snacks etc..
This month’s voxbox was pretty cool. I received the #queencollection voxbox from cover girl. I got a mascara, liquid foundation, and a lipstick. I was pretty impressed by the colors and quality of the products. I am trying to be more cautious about the products I put on my face, so I’ve been gearing toward more of the high end products; however this cover girl collection is pretty good. I am a woman of color so I support any company that is actually catering to our melanin.
you should definitely check out influenster!!
As mentioned in my previous post, I suffered from severe anxiety and panic attacks following a pretty traumatic experience in my life. When I started looking for natural ways to deal with my stress and anxiety, I read a post about drinking tea to calm your nerves. I am from the Caribbean so we are big on herbal tea and natural healing. I was looking around for the perfect tea to help with my anxiety and stress level. I went to my local shop rite and Walmart and bought so many different brands to see which one would help the best.
I had never heard of the yogi brand before, but I found it at Walmart and decided to give it a try. Let me tell you, this tea is amazing. I started drinking a cup in the morning and one before bed; within days I started to feel relaxed and more energized. What it does is that it relaxes your mind, it makes you feel at ease. I usually would feel stressed and anxious from the moment I wake up, so in the morning having a cup helped to relax my mind before work. I had tried a lot of other brands before this one and they did not truly help the way that I wanted them to, but the yogi brand did it for me. I would really recommend it for anyone feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed. It is not going to permanently take away your stress and anxiety, but it will definitely help your day go by smoother.
Hope this helps someone out there dealing with the same.