Something is Wrong

I’ve heard of anxiety disorders before, and I’ve heard people talk about being depressed and having panic attacks; but I had no clue what the signs were or how one knew they were dealing with those issues. Months after my dad had his stroke, I remember started feeling down all the time and not feeling like myself. Of course I associated it with my dad having to deal with his health, and him not being able to do the everyday things anymore.  But I really started realizing something was up one Sunday evening when my parents went to a wedding.

So my dad had the stroke November of 2012, In September 2013 they had a wedding to attend in South Jersey. My dad had completely lost function of his right arm, so in the first few months following the stroke he could not drive. By summer 2013 he had learned to drive with only his left arm, so he started driving places by himself again. Although it was great progress, the thought of him driving by himself with one arm freaked me out. So on that Sunday evening, my sister and I drove back on campus and my parents went to the wedding. The whole entire day even prior to them going to the wedding I was on edge. I was sweating heavily, thinking about him driving that far and literally freaking out; but I said nothing to anyone.

When I got on campus, I called my mom just to make sure that they had gotten there safely, and they had so I was at peace. Around 10 pm, I decided to call my mom to make sure they were home and she did not answer her cell. At the time we had just moved to a new home and the house phone was not working yet. I called her cellphone at least 5 times and she did not answer, So I started losing my mind (literally) So many thoughts were running through my mind. Where could they be? why is she not picking up her phone? did something happen?

Hours went by and still no call back, by that point I was sick with worries. My mind was literally telling me that something tragic happened, so My body went into full panicking mode. I was shaking, sweating, crying. I forced myself to go to bed and that night was the first time I had the first nightmare. Woke up in a sweat and never went back to bed. By 8 am, I started calling again because my mom is usually out the house for work by then. Still no answer. I called my aunt who lived close by to see if my mom had called her that morning. She told me she had not heard from her. I called out of work and decided to drive a whole hour back home just to check on them. right when I was about to leave my apartment my phone rang, it was my mother. She had put her cell on silent for the wedding and never saw not one of my calls. I cried for hours after that, I could not comprehend what was happening to me; it was scary.

Following that incident things got worst, the nightmares got worst, the sleepless nights got worst, the panic attacks got worst; EVERYTHING became dark.  Something was wrong with me.

 

 

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